redheadranting

As my son was leaving the house for school this morning he said

“Mom, pick me up an electric shaver and some Axe aftershave.”

My first thought was to give him the tweezers since my son gets his hair from his dad’s side of the family. His dad has never been able to grow a beard or anything resembling a beard. When he tried in the past it looked like he wiped his hands on his face after reading the paper before they switched to smudge free ink. I was hoping he would have just a little of the facial hair gene from my side of the family. Just a little, since all men on my side have to shave not only their face but also their neck and back. Hell, even some of the women have to shave their back and neck.

I told him I would pick up a razor and some shaving cream for him. He told me he really didn’t want to be bothered with all that mess and an electric shaver would be better. I convinced him that electric shavers don’t work as well on “younger” hair since it was finer than “older” hair. Hey it was 7 am and I hadn’t finished my coffee yet. He seemed to buy it. Now I have to talk him out of the Axe after shave. That stuff is horrible and these kids like to bathe in it.

Before he walked out my daughter told him we were going to the Build a Bear Workshop today and asked him if he wanted a bear. I assumed he would say of course not and paused long enough for me to think that he was coming up with a smart ass reply and then he said. “What do you think? Of course I do”

Had the birthday party today for the little one. The “friends” party as she likes to call it. There were 9 children in my home for two hours today and it felt like an eternity. We had burned through all of the planned activities in the first half hour leaving an hour and a half for cake and ice cream. Song, candles, eat took five minutes.

Luckily for me, three of the moms took pity on me and stayed for the festivities. I am so thankful to these women for coming up with interesting games, on the fly, to entertain these kids.

Nothing broke but every child had a moment of tears. The birthday girl ran into her room to get something to show her friends and was smacked in the forehead by the door knob. Earlier the children had been playing in her room and put a bunch of pillows behind her door. God only knows why but they were forgotten and when my daughter ran in her room throwing the door open it reverberated back at an incredible force and smacked her in the head. Of course the door knob was the decorative brass kind so she had an interesting pattern on her forehead for the rest of the afternoon. Luckily no one could see it under the bag of frozen peas I made her hold to her head.

Then there was the child from hell who wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t share, took toys from everyone, threw things and had absolutely no manners at all. She was the source of all the tears save the door knob incident.

Those two hours were like being in algebra again. Minutes ticked so slowly by and each time I looked at the clock I was amazed to see that the hands hadn’t really moved. I even considered hiding in the bathroom at one point but thought that might set a bad example.

Oh well I have some great pictures and I have a year before I have to do it again. Chuck E. Cheese is looking good.

Folding the laundry, especially socks.

Cooking dinner.

Making my bed.

I used to love folding the laundry especially in the winter time. I felt as if I accomplished something big by sorting, folding, and putting away the clothes. Now it’s just a huge pain. Socks are the worst. My son has feet that are really just big canoe paddles and he wears his socks outside, against my wished, without shoes on. Usually when taking the garbage out after I have nagged him over and over. I’m getting the garbage out I’m not going to stop the process by having him put on shoes and risk him shifting focus to some other task. Or me shifting focus so I can’t remind him again. The problem is that his socks are filled with holes. I throw out the socks with holes but often the mates are still good. There is always a lonely sock left over when I do laundry.

I used to love cooking dinner. I love to cook but the kids rarely want what I want and it isn’t as much fun preparing something that no one wants. It also takes more time than I want to give up to make a nice dinner. Luckily its summer and most meals can be cooked on the grill. Meals everyone at least tolerates. When I do go to the trouble to prepare a nice meal there is hardly the overwhelming gratitude I am looking for. My kids will eat it, thankfully I don’t have picky eaters, but they shove it down so fast they rarely experience the taste.

Like folding clothes I felt as if I had accomplished something by making my bed. It made my room look tidy. It has since occurred to me that no one looks in my room. If I make the bed it’s as if I invited the dogs to sleep there while I’m gone. For some reason they don’t if it’s unmade.

Currently I have taken over the task of mowing the lawn. I feel as if I have accomplished something even bigger than matching socks or making my bed. And, everyone can see the results of my labor. I mow the lawn like I vacuum so I usually do it right before I know it’s going to rain. If it isn’t going to rain I turn on the sprinkler.

Yesterday I decided to clean my son’s room. Usually I let him handle this awful task, and with enough nagging he does keep it looking and smelling ok. About a month ago we lost one of the cordless phones. I have three. One for each level of the house.

My son who talks all night on the phone with the girlfriend will run the battery down and then come upstairs and take another charged phone. Often “forgetting” to put the dead one on the charger. We talk about this problem on a regular basis.

The phone has been gone for a month. I have assumed it was his fault and have made him search his room several times. He has gotten his friends involved in the search and they have gone at it CSI style using flashlights to go over ever inch of the room.

I almost bought a replacement phone last week but knew once I hit the check out button and it was being shipped the lost phone would turn up. So I held off. Yes, I have tried paging the phone but the battery is long since dead.

Which brings me to yesterday. I was going to do a thorough cleaning of his room and figured I’d watch tv while in the process. When I turned it on Jon and Kate Plus 8 was just beginning so I figured I’d watch and see what all the fuss is about.

Jon and Kate were picking out beds for their 8 kids. From what I gather there are a set of twins and then sextuplets. Why anyone would choose to have more kids after a set of twins I don’t know but to each his own I guess. They brought all of the kids to the furniture store. The kids were tearing around, jumping on the beds and having a blast. Jon and Kate were not. Jon was a little irritated with the kids and with Kate, for having all of them I suspect. I’d be irritated too if I had that many kids and then a camera crew following me around all day and then being expected to talk (argue) with my wife about what was going on in our relationship.

I was vacuuming and cleaning out dust bunnies from underneath my son’s furniture but I was listening to the program. All I could hear was children screaming and parents bickering at one another. I had to turn the channel. I didn’t need to listen to that, I couldn’t stand listening to that. I spent oodles of money so I didn’t have to argue anymore with another parent I can’t understand why anyone would want to watch this show let alone call it “Priceless”. At least I know what it is all about now and I can avoid it at all costs.

I never found the phone.